![]() It was a wound that inflicted a deep depression and a longstanding mistrust of trust and that special romantic feeling. Then, two days before I took the GRE, he admitted he wanted to be back with his ex. Of course, I rediscovered “Doorway,” which unabashedly proclaims, “ If you want this so bad, then why do you stand like you do in the doorway / come in / come in, I’ve never wanted anything like I want you.” I had stumbled upon the perfect soundtrack for the time of my romantic longing. During July, while studying for the GRE and starting a new job, I fed my romantic feelings by listening to certain songs, and sending him some of them as mixes. He was out of state for the summer in a graduate program, and we communicated online until his return in August. Moved to Minneapolis, in my second job after a successful internship at an art museum, and falling quickly in love with someone I knew was falling for me, too. That summer was an escape for so many things I’d dealt with for four years in undergrad, but those tunes reminded me that I wasn’t yet emotionally free from some of them.įast forward one year later, and I’m progressing in my life and career. A heavy emotional weight hangs in those songs, a genuine and sweet desire for being alone or being with someone. Yet it was always walking back, at the end, listening to “Please Don’t Find Me” and “Doorway” that I appreciated Civil Twilight for something more. I can’t listen to “River” now without remembering leaving the dorm at the start of a run, and how “Fire Escape” got me into a confident jogging rhythm. It also provided upbeat and optimistic lyrics on a level that kept me going when it felt like my lungs were raw and legs wanted to drag. I strayed often to Holy Weather, which provides the ideal mix of beats and musicality for how I run, which is more like walk-jog-run in alternating spurts. But when we weren’t in class, traveling to museums, curating a show, or doing our homework, I mostly explored or went for runs around the beautiful town of Northampton, Massachusetts. I happened to see Wye Oak at a local music venue, ventured out to see Young Magic in Williamsburg during our weekend in NYC, and happened upon the talented Darlingside in the college’s backyard one evening. After graduation was a time of transitions and travel, and I spent the summer out on the east coast for a 6-week graduate prep course in the field of art history at Smith College. I discovered Civil Twilight’s 2012 release Holy Weather right before I graduated from college, as a lucky addition to our college radio library.
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